Posted by
James Frank Solís on Friday, August 04, 2006 2:25:23 PM
I am taking a brief time out from working on the second part of my attempt to explain minimum wage issues to the minimally numerate (of course, you minimally numerate people probably don’t know who you are)* in order to make my own humble contribution to the Blogger’s Middle Earth, 2006 Edition. Sheepdog and Matthew Maynard have made some excellent suggestions. Here are mine:
Bilbo – Froggy Ruminations: It all started with him--for me, anyway. Hewitt should really go here, I think; but he took himself out of the running—not very sporting. He started all this didn’t he? Sort of? The other, but eligible, runner-up in this category was the Istapundit, but I have a better role for him.
Frodo – Michael Yon: In short, I just find myself agreeing with Sheepdog’s judgment on this one. The difficulty here is that we really needed a reluctant hero type, in a country that, thankfully, is full of them. For whatever it may be worth, Mudville Gazette was a runner up.
Sam -- Yoni the Blogger: Strong, silent type. Amiable enough, but do not, under any circumstances, mess with him.
Merry & Pippin -- Fraters Libertas: “Fight? Us? Well, okay. But first, a pipe and a pint or five.” Need I say more?
Gollum -- Daily Kos: They’ll mercilessly kill one of their own (e.g., Joe Lieberman) for the sake of their “precious” Progressiveness. You find yourself thinking, "I'm not going to miss them when they're gone."
Sauron -- John Kerry’s Blog: Yeah, it’s a stretch, but I needed someone who’s been defeated once already and refuses to accept it. And, to my knowledge, Al Gore doesn’t blog. Runners up included former presidents Carter and Clinton.
Gandalf -- Victor Davis Hanson: The scholar I shall strive to be, whose forgotten more about Greek, the Greco-Roman world, and military history than I will ever know. I so want to be him when I finish growing up, which will be awhile because, generally speaking, I don’t much care for grown-ups.
Saruman -- Arriana Huffington: Used to be one of us, sort of. But was lured and trapped into the enemy’s service by playing around with his palantir. But is she really a blogger? I guess it depends upon what your definition of is is.
Wormtongue -- Andrew Sullivan: Pretty-sounding words and turns of phrase, but, ultimately, still the enemy.
Arwen -- Gotta go with Michelle Malkin: Stunning beauty? Elven powers? (That made it tempting to nominate myself for Aragorn, but I don’t think the fetching Señora Solís would care that this is just make-believe.) Runners-up in this category included Carol Platt Liebau.
Elrond -- Instapundit: No better ally: with his powers he can make or break a blogger with a single link, or the hundreds of absences thereof—as the case may be.
Legolas -- Mark Steyn: For this one I needed someone sober, with keen senses, including a sense of humor, and outstanding aim. Yoni the Blogger was a runner-up but he’s too serious, virtually no discernible sense of humor. (It was tempting to nominate myself, being, like the actor who portrayed him, a bit of a heart-throb myself (for women between the ages of 35 and 50), but that seemed too obvious.)
Gimli -- The Tanker Brothers: “Extreme danger? Little chance of success? Hooah!!! Last one through the gate gets [blanked] with Gandalf’s staff!” Good in a fight, and you will so want to party with them. Tankers lead the way!
Aragorn -- Captain’s Quarters: From humble beginnings, but destined to be king.
Eomer -- Eject!Eject!Eject!
Theoden -- Powerline: Already a king.
Faramir – Red Sky Brothers: Likeable, but you definitely want to be on their good side.
Boromir -- Lileks: An acquired taste. I like that. It reminds me of me.
Eowyn -- Carol Platt Liebau: Beauty? Brains? Taking up arms and filling in for Hugh Hewitt? Hooah!!! (I’m a former soldier. I get to say that.) Ann Coulter was a runner-up in this category, but is a little too much, at times, even for my “Klingon” taste in women.
*Hint: If you think that Congress’ setting a minimum wage is ever a good idea, you may be minimally numerate. And you probably know less about economics than I do—if that’s even possible.